My Dedication
I dedicate this website to my best friend Kaitlynn Cunningham, my parents and to my lovely boyfriend, Ryan Cibulski. The reasons behind why I dedicated it to those certain people is because those are the people who have helped me out the most in my life. They have helped me pick my head back up whenever I felt like there wasn't going to be a tomorrow for myself. They've helped me realize that things do get better even when I feel like the easiest way is to end it all. This may sound very depressing, but it's how I feel at times. Kaitlynn has been such an amazing friend to me and I appreciate that so much. Her family has made me feel like for once that I was actually apart of a family. She's seen me at my lowest points and knows the person that I hide from everyone. She's accepted me and hasn't judged me once because of it. Kaitlynn has helped me grow and has taught me so much about myself. She has made me feel like I'm normal and we've been through thick and thin together. We both understand each other and I'm pretty sure know one else understands me as much as she does. My parents both love her and are so happy that I finally have a friend like that in my life.
My parents, Jeffrey and Kelli Harris, have been there since day one. My mom and I may disagree at times, but she's stayed by my side throughout everything. She's sat with me and held me while I cried late at night and couldn't stop the nightmares. She's wiped my tears away whenever I couldn't seem to make the past go away. My mom raised me practically on her own. I love my dad to death, but he left a lot. He would always leave and miss my birthdays, Christmas, and everything else that goes along with being a family. My mom would hold me while I cried and continued to ask, "why daddy always left us?". She stood strong, raised her family, kept a roof over our heads, and never broke down. Yes, she had her moments, but she never once gave up on her kids. My dad isn't a terrible man nor is he a horrible father. He's been through hell and back as a child. I just wish someone would've told him, 'he didn't have to be what his parents were".
I haven't dated Ryan for long, but already we've grown super close and when I'm with him it's like my past doesn't exist for once. He makes everything better and I feel happy around him. He makes me feel wanted and hasn't judged me. He understands whenever I get into my weird moods, which is caused by my depression problems. I remember when he saw the scars on my arm and told me, "I'm not going to judge you ever. I like you for you and all I want is for you to be happy. That's all I want to do is to make you happy. Your scars don't change my view on you. Hannah, we can get through anything and I need you to understand that I'm here until the end. I'm not going anywhere. I need you. So please stay?". I've never cried so much, but of course the tears were happy tears. Because of my past, I'm scared. I'm scared to trust anyone and to be able to open up to a single person is mission impossible for me. I don't know, but for some reason he makes it all better and I love everything about him. Yes, I'm a teenager and I know everyone says, "You're young and you don't know what love is.", but dammit when I put that person before myself and want to stay up all night just to get to know that boy. I want to know his fears, what he loves, the way he'll look when he first opens his beautiful hazel eyes in the morning, how I want nothing more than to just be able to wake up beside him and see that lovely smile that makes my heart melt. Everything about him is perfect to me and I don't care what anyone says. I love his half smirks, his crappy jokes, his lovely cologne, and the way he looks into my eyes. I don't know man, there's just something about that boy that makes me clumsy, gives me butterflies and makes me forget words. When I'm with him I just feel so much better about myself and never for a second does he allow me to discourage myself. And the night I woke up beside him in his bed, that night was perfect. It was on Wednesday December 31, 2013 and he said, "Hannah, I have to ask you something." He took a long pause and my heart started to race and my mind was in a million places. Then he looked at me and stared into my eyes and said, "If I told you that I loved you, would you love me back?" It absolutely melted my heart and I started to cry. In all honesty I don't want anyone else and I know typical high school relationships end quick and the people never think twice about it, but I want him more than anything. No, I do not rely on him, he just helps me look on the positive side and makes me feel so much better about life and myself. He makes me want to become a better person. He's nothing like my ex and whenever I was with him all I would do is ache and could never seem to find some piece of mind. Ryan makes me happy and I don't feel like I have to hide who I really am when I'm with him. I was sick of being hushed whenever I was going to make a sound. Metaphorically speaking of course and I mean that by saying my ex never wanted to accept who I really was. Ryan accepts me and hasn't made me feel like I need to hide stuff from him. I'm not ashamed of who I am nor do I feel the need to cover stuff up. Whenever I'm with him, it's just different and I don't know how to explain it all. I never thought someone would be able to fall for me and accept me. I never thought someone would want someone so broken and hurt, but I was wrong.
My parents, Jeffrey and Kelli Harris, have been there since day one. My mom and I may disagree at times, but she's stayed by my side throughout everything. She's sat with me and held me while I cried late at night and couldn't stop the nightmares. She's wiped my tears away whenever I couldn't seem to make the past go away. My mom raised me practically on her own. I love my dad to death, but he left a lot. He would always leave and miss my birthdays, Christmas, and everything else that goes along with being a family. My mom would hold me while I cried and continued to ask, "why daddy always left us?". She stood strong, raised her family, kept a roof over our heads, and never broke down. Yes, she had her moments, but she never once gave up on her kids. My dad isn't a terrible man nor is he a horrible father. He's been through hell and back as a child. I just wish someone would've told him, 'he didn't have to be what his parents were".
I haven't dated Ryan for long, but already we've grown super close and when I'm with him it's like my past doesn't exist for once. He makes everything better and I feel happy around him. He makes me feel wanted and hasn't judged me. He understands whenever I get into my weird moods, which is caused by my depression problems. I remember when he saw the scars on my arm and told me, "I'm not going to judge you ever. I like you for you and all I want is for you to be happy. That's all I want to do is to make you happy. Your scars don't change my view on you. Hannah, we can get through anything and I need you to understand that I'm here until the end. I'm not going anywhere. I need you. So please stay?". I've never cried so much, but of course the tears were happy tears. Because of my past, I'm scared. I'm scared to trust anyone and to be able to open up to a single person is mission impossible for me. I don't know, but for some reason he makes it all better and I love everything about him. Yes, I'm a teenager and I know everyone says, "You're young and you don't know what love is.", but dammit when I put that person before myself and want to stay up all night just to get to know that boy. I want to know his fears, what he loves, the way he'll look when he first opens his beautiful hazel eyes in the morning, how I want nothing more than to just be able to wake up beside him and see that lovely smile that makes my heart melt. Everything about him is perfect to me and I don't care what anyone says. I love his half smirks, his crappy jokes, his lovely cologne, and the way he looks into my eyes. I don't know man, there's just something about that boy that makes me clumsy, gives me butterflies and makes me forget words. When I'm with him I just feel so much better about myself and never for a second does he allow me to discourage myself. And the night I woke up beside him in his bed, that night was perfect. It was on Wednesday December 31, 2013 and he said, "Hannah, I have to ask you something." He took a long pause and my heart started to race and my mind was in a million places. Then he looked at me and stared into my eyes and said, "If I told you that I loved you, would you love me back?" It absolutely melted my heart and I started to cry. In all honesty I don't want anyone else and I know typical high school relationships end quick and the people never think twice about it, but I want him more than anything. No, I do not rely on him, he just helps me look on the positive side and makes me feel so much better about life and myself. He makes me want to become a better person. He's nothing like my ex and whenever I was with him all I would do is ache and could never seem to find some piece of mind. Ryan makes me happy and I don't feel like I have to hide who I really am when I'm with him. I was sick of being hushed whenever I was going to make a sound. Metaphorically speaking of course and I mean that by saying my ex never wanted to accept who I really was. Ryan accepts me and hasn't made me feel like I need to hide stuff from him. I'm not ashamed of who I am nor do I feel the need to cover stuff up. Whenever I'm with him, it's just different and I don't know how to explain it all. I never thought someone would be able to fall for me and accept me. I never thought someone would want someone so broken and hurt, but I was wrong.